Mare with an Attitude (Please help)

For the bad manners on eating. Can you place the feed bin closer to where you can put the hay in the bin by throwing it over the fence? If not before you feed tie her up, so she can not be so aggressive towards you. Does your gelding and the mare share the same area? If so, have you noticed your gelding losing weight? If this is true then you need to seperate them. As for her neighing and sweating completely when you take the gelding out. This is caused from the mare being buddy sour. To help her get over this take your gelding out lead him away from the mare. Wait for about five minutes then lead him back to the fence where the mare can see him sniff him and calm herself. Keep repeating this, after awhile the mare will being so frantic. When you take her out and she won't do any thing for you. Do the same thing that I suggested with the gelding except bring the mare back to the gelding and then take her away, ride her around for awhile then ride her back through where your gelding is at. and keep riding her past him. If she refuses to go, make her. There are several ways to make her go with out hitting her. If you want you can email me at 47shazams@gmail.com

This sounds like a respect issue to me.  She is not respecting you as herd leader. You don't need to be an aggressive person but you do need to be confident and you need to the the boss, and it helps to be more stubborn than the horse.  You should not tolerate bad behavior at feeding time.  Get a lunge whip or a dressage whip and don't let her eat until she settles down and respects your space.  Don't hit her with the whip but use it as an extension of your arm to help you keep her away from the hay.  She should not enter your "bubble" unless you give her permission to.  Clinton Anderson has some good techniques to teach this.
If she's not listening to you when you take her out of the pasture you need to make her. Keep working with her until she does listen. She needs to do what you ask when you ask it, don't let her get away with anything.  It takes time to teach them this and you won't find a quick fix that will only take an afternoon.  It's going to take time. 
I agree she sounds like she is very buddy sour as well. 

Thank you both very much. I think that I will take the lunge whip the next time I do the chores and I will look into solving her "buddy sour" problem. I have been told by other horse people that being "buddy sour" is just a mare thing and sometimes it just can't be fixed. I never really wanted to believe this. I do want her to respect me as the herd leader and I think that I will also look into that.
 
I could find a way to throw the hay over the fence, but I was just afraid of that not fixing the problem. That would be more avoiding the issue in my eyes. Yes, the gelding and the mare share the same area, and no, he has not been losing weight. I was actually concerned about that when we first bought her, because he is very old and has many ailments. But he is not losing any weight, and in fact, she is not agressive towards him in any way. I watch them together and it almost seems like the gelding is the dominant one. It's kind of weird.
 
Do any of you have any ideas on how I could gain her trust and respect? I want her to be able to trust me when I take him away that I will bring him back. Oh, and another thing. I usually put her halter on and tie her up while I take the gelding away. I shut the stall door, just in case. The only problem is, I don't want to leave her tied up in case she would hurt herself. But whenever I go into the stall to untie her, she swings her butt towards me, swishes her tail angrily, and pins her ears back. She has never tried to kick or bite. I have tried treats, grain, hay, anything to keep her busy, but she ignores all of it! I'm not necessarily scared but just kind of reluctant to go into the stall with a thrashing horse. I know that horses are much more powerful than me.
 
Thanks so much!
 
-Horse_Lover7

Okay...here's the deal when it comes to feeding. You are the boss. But they are hungry, so it isn't a time to mess with training and "let's all feel good about ourselves" lessons.
 
Take a training whip with you, put it under your arm, and when you are crowded, spin in a circle so that whoever is within the circle gets it. You can't hurt them doing that way..you're holding hay, the whip is pointed backwards, it's just sort of an incidental thing. Feed them fast, boss mare first then second horse, make sure they're more than a horse and a half length apart, and skeedadle. If one eats a lot faster, maybe have three feeding stations so when the fast eating one is done, the last one has a place to munch. My horse generally get fat in the winter.
 
Do NOT allow horses to pin ears at your or grab at the feed while you're holding it. If you are carrying hay and a horse comes towards you with pinned ears, spin around and nail them with the whip. If the only time they pin ears is at feeding time, it's not a battle you need to fight other than that.
 
It isn't bad ground manners, however, for a horse to freak out when the rest of the herd is removed. I have an Arab that I don't think I would leave behind. She happens to be my saddle mare, so I've never ridden out and left her alone, but I don't think I would. I've seen her charge fences and try to pull down 8 foot chain link fences with her teeth when her pasture mate (whom she despises) is out of sight.
 
That's just insecurity. If you have good fences, a round pen and/or a human buddy you can train her out of it. One person takes the gelding, one stays with the mare and works with her. When I say "works with her" I mean just stays with her, keeps her occupied. That could just be giving her goodies, grooming her, putting a halter on her, picking her feet...in other words, distracting her at critical mass time, and keeping an eye on her.
 
 I've had horses that I've given food when I take their pasture mates out of the area, and so they get conditioned to actually enjoy it. I've had other horses that couldn't be kept alone for any period of time. They wouldn't necessarily go through the fences, but they wouldn't eat, they'd pace until they had windpuffs, become anorexic if they were separated over days.
 
So treat the obnoxious behavior at dinner time as a manners issue, treat the behavior regarding separation as an insecurity issue.