training a female horse that has been abused by previous owner

How do you know she was abused?  Is it a fact that you know - like there is a record of it, or just based on the way she acts?  I've known plenty of horses like you describe that were never abused.  They just were never introduced to things properly.

As to how to help her - take it slow and reward the smallest try.  For example - you say she won't bed her neck but she will go only a little ways and then get cranky.  Do you reward her when you get her to go just a little ways?  When you start neck bending - if you can get them to tip their nose towards you just a little bit in the beginning - release immediately as a reward!  Release before she gets cranky for the first few tries.  Just tiny steps, but if you release at the right moments, those little steps will become huge leaps & bounds in no time.  Don't focus on the final thing you want - i.e. a full neck bend.  Focus first on a nose tipped towards you.  Then a nose maybe an inch further.  Then 2 inches, then 3, etc.  Heck - the first day you may just get a couple inches of bend.  Good enough!  Lots of reward (release) leads to very quick learning and it doesn't matter if the horse has been abused, or wild, or a pocket pet. The only difference is you may break it down into smaller steps for an abused or wild horse versus a pocket pony. 

Carrot stretches are good but better towards the end of the session.  I can tap Dani on the side and she puts her nose there.  So if you tap with a carrot piece in your hand and she goes after the carrot, eventually she may understand the cue.  Things usually fall apart pretty quickly when you bring food into it. so this is more to get the stretching going.  She may have a kink.  Some say endorphins are released when they bend.  She may end up liking it!

She needs a herd leader she can feel safe with (you).  Sounds like you're doing well.  Go back to what she's accepting for a few days and don't rush.  She's not a real young horse.  She probably didn't get that way overnight.

Agree with others, esp jungle cat & agree with you; "i now relize that i rushed things too fast!thats 4 sure!" I think you rushed things WAAAY too much. Even if you were teaching an 'easy' horse, you need to slow it down & accept & reward what she's giving you a lot more. Remember that you're *teaching* her. It's not something that she knows & trusts & you're not someone that she knows & trusts either, so you've got to *prove* to her you're trustworthy by not forcing her & putting pressures on pressure.

Eg. if she is skittish & new & untrusting of you(whether or not she's been abused previously), just spending time with her & getting her comfortable with you being around her, touching her for starters would be what I'd do. Then when starting on 'despooking' I'd do it in a low-stress way - eg. start swinging the rope or whatever, at whatever distance away that she's comfortable with, then gradually closer *as she becomes more confident*, but using 'approach & retreat' tactics, to quit the pressure *before* she loses the plot. I'd also be starting in 2 to maybe 10 minute sessions max, rather than keeping at her for anything like 2 hrs & trying to go on with all sorts, when she's not yet good at the basics.

Remember that when something is stressful, even if it's only a little bit of stress, if it continues without respite, those little bits will build up until 'suddenly, out of the blue, for no apparent reason....' etc the horse blows up. Think of 'the straw that broke the camel's back'.

Remember also that an animal will do what works, and get better at things with practice. So for one, make sure that you ensure her 'calm' behaviour works - ie you quit & therefore negatively reinforce(remove pressure) her *before* she gets reactive and use lots of repetition to get her confident with each step. Secondly, the other reason you want to go slow enough to progress & stop *before* she loses it is because you don't want her practicing that fear/attitude/behaviour & getting even better at it & more confirmed in her beliefs. Set things up to make the 'right' things as easy as possible for her to practice.

So, after initially establishing a bit of trust, I would have started with the 'despooking' in lots of (perhaps) 2-5 minute sessions. I would have ensured she was actually confident & comfortable(v's quiet because 'shut down' in stress) with my 'toys' & 'games' of ropes, plastic bags, whatever, before I'd bother going on to further lessons.

Then I'd begin, in short sessions again(you can still do a heap of sessions per day if you want, so long as there is stress free time in between), teaching her to yield to pressure; fingertip pressure, halter/lead pressure, implied pressure from a swinging whip or rope or such. Again, it's important not to aim for whatever your goals are, but start with accepting & reinforcing whatever small 'tries' she can give you, to teach her what works, then with repetition, begin asking her *gradually* for a little bit more. Think about her being in kindergarten, so teach her at that level & don't even ask for 'high school' behaviour yet.

With regard to bridle & saddle, just treat it the same as 'despooking' to anything else; slowly & easily, *reinforcing her for what she can give you* & not trying to push for more. Eg. introduce her to, & get her comfortable with the saddle in the same manner as you did the bridle; don't just go & put it on her. Once you get to the point that you can put it on her back, *take it off immediately*. Only once she's truly comfortable with it being put on & off do you start leaving it on for seconds longer, gradually increasing the 'difficulty' of the exercise only after she's confident with previous steps.

There are training tips I can offer, as they have already been mentioned, but I will add this, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I had a horse that sounds much like yours, she was scared of everything: her shadow, the lead dragging the ground, even my elbows when I was on her back!!!  She was far from abused though, just never desensitized.  She later turned into the "steady eddy" type and barn favorite.
Good Luck!!

I agree with Hunterseat and Jungle_Cat all the way!-great advice guys!
Patience, patience. patience. No rush, keep things steady and slow.

Goodluck!